Dear reader, this week goes by and we are on sportsbreak next week. That means a break for a week with no school at all. Things are kind of dark and difficult right now. Everything job related. It’s a misery and it’s a suffering that you will get bashed no matter what you do or what decision you take. I have plan to go to the gym and fix myself a bit. I know all of my exercises from the memory since I worked out at gym for years. And I know how the rebuild the body again. I only need those two little things called “motivation” and “time”. I did spend all my days by walking, having my music on and listening at some 1980s mixed rock and pop.

But how can you get the motivation when things are collapsing and you are so damaged? That when my close colleague left today for a new job in another school, how that loneliness will embrace me like it did when she was not around. That no one wants to sit next to me when we all having lunch. That even my working colleagues in parallel class - one I know very well - just takes the chair that’s next to me and move it to her group. Instead of sit next to me and eat her meal. That is typical Swedish example - all this - how you freeze other people out. And that, dear reader, hurts more than being bullied.

I don’t know what to do anymore since nothing seems to have any point. It’s such wide silent culture but when I fix their adapters to their laptops, then I’m the hero. Or some issue they have with their laptops and such. I can’t believe that this is happening to me. But thing is, that has happening for a long time only last year I saw how bad it was. Now it just escalated from bad to worse.

Perhaps it’s meant to happen. All of this. But no matter what, I will try to write here as much as I can. Someone is reading. It’s horrible to read about my burden. And I really thought that I perhaps will damage someone here than help or support - as it’s now being my problems that’s circling. But I have no one to speak with this anymore. One thing is for sure: I haven’t gave up the hope. And as long as my hope is bright and still burning, I will not give up. And neither should you, dear reader. No matter what it is. Yes, thankfully half of Zopiclone (3,25 mg) is doing it job just as 7,5 mg dose. Yes, I’m taking all my pills and not any one them did I’ve forgot to take. And yes, I have started to reclaim my sleeping rhythm. So you know what? I am saying just as that American president did when the world was burning to hell in the World War 2:

“When you come to the end of your rope, tie a knot and hang on.” - Franklin D. Roosevelt

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