How to deal with this better? Tell him he is not being funny and to cut the crap.

That is not being mean, that is 'teaching' your husband to grow up. And of course, he will blame you not having a sense of humour or you being too sensitive etc. That's what they do.

Honestly his comments are pretty immature, insensitive and rude (my neck hurts => rub my balls?!; I'm feeling nauseous => want some stinky cheese?!).

I would set my boundaries and tell him to stop, polite but firm. If he doesn't stop, remove yourself to show you mean it and don't want to interact with an immature man-boy, who shows no respect.