So I have been watching this you tube channel of a 37 year old who is basically just trying to break down her life as a single woman. And through that she is very good really breaking down events in her life.

I am not going to say she is ugly but she is a black woman and she is very good about putting up statistics about black women having it rougher.

She talks about things like pretty privilege and about things that I know are true in a very high brow way.

I happen to be someone who doesn't like to ever think that people behave a certain way toward you because of how you look. I think that is my prejudice because I tend to react differently to looks from most people. Typically being able to see past their looks. Thus when people are crappy to me I always go back and try to figure out what I did, or didn't do, and most of the time I walk around confused and upset. Never thinking people make decisions on my looks.

But I never consider my looks or dress as causing tension... but after listening to her wise statements that I know to be true... i am considering it.

One of her pearls is that men do not want to be friends with women that they don't find attractive. And even Billy Crystal said it, men and women can't be friends. And I find this translating over to my workplace. All the male bosses in my workplace my relationships always break down. They always admit I am a good employee and I get good reviews.. but the relationship always seems to sour. And I search around for why they treat me this way, looking for actions.. not looks. I never have a chance for a job when the man is making the decision.

I also see this at work with regard to women... many women who aren't "attractive" are treated very horribly. Some of my friends who wren't lookers have been fired from their job when they met up with the wrong manager who seemed to hate them irrationally -- but probably admitted they did a good job. Most of the time they it would be written down to a personality conflict.

And now it seems to have happened in my personal life, my brother, BROTHER.. seems to want to end the relationship. Why, why would anyone do that? Well one factor I know was a big issue for him was that I wasn't married with kids... so to me that is why would that make a difference. But this you tuber talks logically about how women do "up the value of a man" by being pretty or by being a winner etc. And perhaps he sees a relationship or lack of as something that reflects badly on him.

I often seem people on this board and on the internet wondering why people treat them so bad and, wondering, now, if it is something is simple as looks. And, if so, should we really be trying to fix that issue?

As i mentioned I personally have my looks meter very much the opposite of everyone else.. but, now I am wondering if fixing that issue will improve my life even though it is hard to believe.