Hey thanks @Breaking Dawn. I don't think he's trying to undermine me, I think he's just trying to protect himself and prevent me from being what brings him down. My mom was similar. Good at the appearance of love and concern but don't ever ask for help that requires any material help. Small gifts, maybe the occasional good word is fine, everything else is off the books. The problem really is me. I know I need to get moving in life or life will kick me to the curb, and this was going to be my year to do that. But the reality of needing to do stuff to make that happen is overwhelming and I melted down and asked if he'd be willing to let the dogs and I stay with him for a bit should things fall apart here (which is a plan Q, as things will probably be OK). The minute he heard that I might take up space in his house and disrupt his life with the dogs and me, he came out all guns blazing to prevent that, even at the need to poke and prod me to get moving. "I love you, but you ain't staying here. Homelessness won't be that bad for you." I know some of that's hyperbole but, it is what it feels like it is.

Thanks again!

Edit: I'm just angry at the world and mostly at myself. I've let myself down and I don't believe I have what it takes to get out of this mess I'm in. I'm throwing hatred at everyone but me. And I'm the only one to be hated. And I do.