I am starting to understand: Two years of isolation (more or less) have been mostly rooted in depression of different degrees. Now when society is opening up again there is room for my former cyclothymic-like symptoms that I have to work very hard on to be able to live an almost good life.

I have had many depressions (also with suic..al thoughts). I have never had a full blown hypomanic episode, but have had short episodes (some of the symptoms) that has lasted for hours or a day or more. (There shall be 4 days to get the diagnose). I do not fulfill that criteria, but I do suffer the way it is.

I think that the lack of diagnose shall not make me feel that I have no right to feel not sick enough.

This has been chronic since teen age years, so if it fits into a diagnose or not should not make me feel less worth then others.

I know how to treat this. In short it is taking my antidepressants (I know that antidepresants seldom are good for bipolar disorder, but I have read that for some it can be the best. It works for me). The "Treatment" here is more in the way I chose to live my daily life, regular lifestyle, regular meals and regular sleep. Social contacts in a appropriate doze. Too much social life make the hypomanic-like symptoms worse for me. It costs to always have to think about how to arrange this or that so it will not cause me too many symptoms afterward; how to behave before I go out and how to take care of myself after a happy social event . (It is as if feeling good, does not stop, but become so "good" that it hurts. I feel I lack a stop button. In lack of that I need to use other ways to calm myself down after good social events - I know this is not well written, but it is so difficult to explain).

Sorry for ranting, but it was a shock to experience old symptoms coming back. (I will handle it and I will try to be kind to myself).

( I like the sheep trying to do it's best to cope ).