I get all comfortable with the idea of going back to work and then I hear about another hate crime and then I don't even want to leave my house to get groceries. I wish my therapist could be a bit more reassuring instead of saying "when it happens you need to be prepared" because how does she know it will happen? How is she so sure I'll be the target of discrimnation? This is what ****s me over every week in therapy which is why last week I said I did not want to discuss any of it. I think we confuse each other a lot of the time. I do really want to go back to work. But the news can be scary.

I tried going back to the grocery store to see if they had stocked the soda in cans and I had a list of other stuff I needed. My anxiety was still high and I just froze in the store and I glanced quickly for the soda then left without getting any of my other stuff. I came home and took my last valium with my 20mil Geodon and I am just trying to relax. I'll try going out in the morning when people are back at school and work.