My Support Forums - View Single Post - Boyfriend with Complex PTSD- need help to understand him

CANDC · Feb 21, 2022 at 03:55 PM

Hi @Ruby1911 - welcome to MSF My Support Forums. I am sorry you are in a relationship that is confusing. Part of that may just be that it is like a long distance relationship with intermittant contact. It is two types of relationships in one. And it appears they are two different people in one. This could be hard on your emotions.

I can comment on my success in changing another person with difficult tendencies. I had NO success changing anyone. It was what you see is what you get.

PTSD can run deep and can be difficult for even professionals to cope with, not less cure it if that is even possible. Trying to help them might be a sign of codependence with their PTSD and bad behavior that may result. Before you get overly involved more than you are, you could make a list of all their endearing qualities and all those that are hurtful. At some point you may need to weigh them and decide if the good is worth suffering through the bad. I had to find ways to reinvent my expectations in order to continue the relationship.

Quote:

I love his willingness to work on himself but the fact that he cuts and runs is very alarming to me. I really want a relationship with him.

I think you want a relationship with the one who is open during 30 day visits to see you. I do not see you wanting the other self that is like an opposite or shadow. That poses a dilemma, do I take on the self that is wild and uncontrollable to get the person I like and admire or is this relationship beyond repair. Only you can answer that. At 49 you probably still have other options and could have. Maybe you could use the next time they are gone to explore those options unless you have already decided.
@CANDC