I don't think you're doing any of those things, I think you've been really struggling lately and need some help from your doctor. You're definitely not a loser I hope your psychiatrist and/or therapist is able to help you

I feel that way about myself sometimes. Because I feel like I've been struggling a lot lately. So sometimes I just don't mention anything I've been dealing with to my doctor and I say everything is fine when they ask me how I'm doing and if they ask if I've had any bothersome symptoms I say no, even though I should be saying yes, which isn't helpful for me. It's just I have self esteem issues and feel like I'm bothering them with my issues. But that's what they're there for, to listen and help.