Dear T,
Today's session was OK, I guess. You were understanding about the email, and it seems you'd also have been understanding had I emailed Friday night, like I'd originally wanted to. I could have done without the reminder that you have the same email policy for all clients and that it's not your favorite part of the job, but something you feel you must do (even though, like I said, I know plenty of therapists don't). At least you stopped talking about it when I said we'd discussed it (the email not being your favorite) once before and that it had been rather painful.

We may need to talk about all this more--some of the conversation felt incomplete. I could have delved more but was maybe afraid to? In part because I'll definitely want your support after tomorrow's IEP meeting, and I didn't want to risk feeling more distanced. Though it would have been nice to have felt more connected. Felt risky to try, though, at least down that vein--safer to talk about D, which tends to make me feel connected based on your usual empathy.

And I suppose we need to talk more in general about my fear of people's safety when they're out of town and where that comes from. If nothing else, I imagine you'll be traveling more this spring and summer. Maybe we can figure out some sort of compromise where I feel more comforted and you don't feel like I'm prying too much. Even something like a planned check-in, via email, text, whatever. Or your giving me some sort of transitional thing, whether an email (sent before you leave), voicemail, object from the office (pretty sure the stone has lost its energy, having not been in your office for nearly 2 years, aside from a few brief visits in my purse), short handwritten note, etc.

Would be better to talk about that soon, rather than waiting until you're about to go away again.

On a related note, I'm glad you've noticed that I'm doing better with sitting with things rather than immediately reaching out. You compared now to 2 years ago, and I'd agree. I would like to think that some of my anxiety this week was related to the IEP meeting tomorrow and general stuff about D and not just that I'm regressing or something. I'd like to think that it will also help once we can meet in person again. Even an occasional meeting outside would likely help, though I certainly hope we can resume regular in person by mid or late spring (even if we'll occasionally need to go virtual in there at times). I want to ask about that, but fear your reply.

I'm realizing a theme here...I suppose I'm not gaining anything by avoiding discussing things with you, am I? Maybe avoiding potential distress or discomfort, but is it really going to help me grow and progress if I keep avoiding that?

Love,
LT