Dear T,

I have written it, in an email, and I tell you what I'm so bloody close to hitting send. I can't see it happening any time soon any other way. My whole life spirals back to this one single event, and it feels surreal to know that everything stems from less than three lines of text. How can that be? I do think that's one of the big reasons I keep it all in. I've built it up into something enormous, and in scared that it will be seen as small once I let it out. By others and by myself. It changes things. Which is ironic, because I want things to change. I think.

I guess sending it by email doesn't mean it's over and done with though, does it. I guess that's only the beginning, and at least it would be a beginning. I just never wanted it to be like this, I wanted to be able to tell you in person, but who am I kidding.