Im so sorry youre feeling this way @Humpty Dumpty

Thats a really rubbish way to feel and Im just so sorry that youre experiencing this

I was just wondering if you have or have had a therapist before?

What @CANDC said is very true about thoughts. They are only thoughts but it is very difficult to process them without owning them or laying claim to them inside your own mind.... if that makes sense?

A therapist can often help you work on challenging those negative thoughts, which really helped me when I have an episode.
Its takes time and patience (and hard work) but it might be something that could help?