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Originally Posted by WovenGalaxy
Note: I feel vulnerable bringing this subject up here. Please be kind.
I am thinking about blocking her on my phone. Every so often, rarely, she sends a mass text message to people and includes me. It will be pretty generic, like, "hey, thinking of you, hope you have a good week," or a pic saying "I had to show you this!" It actually feels pretty shady.
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I hope it's OK to ask (let me know if not), what makes you feel like these mass texts are shady? I'm trying to understand more of what you wrote here.
About your OP/earlier posts, I wondered what seems like she's just a user, what did she try to get from you to take advantage of you?
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My reason for wanting to block, is for me. For my self esteem, and for my emotional protection. I'm done with this friendship, but because I have barely any friends right now and sometimes get lonely, I find myself responding. Even with something small. Also I feel guilty when I don't respond. Maybe that's weird- I don't know.
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I think it would help if you figured out where the guilt or obligation came from, because that doesn't sound right for a friendship, so like what's she been doing to make you feel guilty or what beliefs or past experiences of yours etc. would make you feel that way?
Overall I think if she was clearly taking advantage of you then you have no obligation to tell her why you're blocking her, though you can tell her but I don't see what's to be gained from it unless feeling like you've confronted her on it helps you (it helps some people, it would help me too but not everyone needs this to feel relieved).
If you are not sure about her intentions/attitudes, but you do feel uncomfortable around her anyway, then IMO careful gradual distancing can help avoid any further bad feelings of guilt over how you may have done the "wrong thing" by blocking her without really knowing for sure if she had a bad attitude towards you.
Also it can help give you an opportunity to practice more flexible boundaries rather than waiting until you can't take it anymore and then having to take a big step like blocking the person. (But again if she was actually taking advantage of you for some particular purpose, nevermind any of this, then she can just be blocked without you having to feel in the wrong for it IMO)
But also, if you are not sure about her attitude or whether she's tried to use you, BUT you also don't have it in you to spend anymore time on this relationship and on trying to understand her behaviours and attitudes, if you already spent too much energy on it and she disregarded it, or if you only have energy and time for doing more proactive things, it's totally understandable if you don't want to waste energy on making it all seem nice gradual distancing. (Or if you are not worried about her reaction and possible conflict after the blocking.)
In that case, my only advice would just be, make sure you aren't going to end up seeing other people and friendships in a more negative light coming away from this experience
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Blocking her feels right to me. I'm hesitant though. I've never been in this situation. If it were a guy I'd dated, I'd definitely block him. Do you think it's okay to block her? Or do you think I should just maybe get busier and proactive and try to stop thinking about negative stuff like this and other stuff? Or both? Maybe I am kind of nervous about this and the after affects.
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I find it interesting that if it was a guy then you'd know it's OK to block him. Maybe it's that you are not sure what your rights are in this friendship as far as it being okay resenting her disappearing a lot and friendship not necessarily having to be so exclusive and close as a romantic relationship?
My personal opinion is still the same, that if you gave her a lot, and she didn't give much back to you and tried to use you for things, then it's not a normal friendship..
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I actually HAVE talked to her in the past about my feelings about how she acts and how it hurts. A couple times. She always has a very nice explanation. She clearly isn't going to change.
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Are they really nice explanations or does she just dress them up to sound nice and to deflect the problem?
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Yes, its likely I DID put more stock in her friendship than her in mine (edit: upon reflection, this does not feel accurate or resonate). I almost feel played with, like if she tries to talk to me and tell me personal things about herself at the store, that's how she reels me in, then asks me to get together or how I am...I'm going to not have it.
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I don't really understand this part here about her reeling you in. Some people do overshare about their personal life, but I don't understand if this is what you meant by her reeling you in. If you feel like she's taking too much of your time with her talking about her life, you can always politely excuse yourself. What I also don't understand is, what feels like being played with where she asks you to get together or asks about how you are doing. Was I missing something here?
One last comment: you mentioned you'd like having her around in case she would help you out if you needed accommodations in an emergency situation. But IMO you'd be better off if you found other options for that; if you really have problems with her, her attitude and the friendship, don't try to rely on her for this. Even though the survival imperative could seem like a good and important justification, it's rather unlikely that it would matter for your survival, like, again there would be a lot of other, better options, and you can't be sure if she'd actually keep her promise, either. And if you tried to keep her around just for that, wouldn't you feel like you're taking advantage of her and playing with her feelings? It could also lead to a lot of bad drama if you kept her around like that. Better to simply let all this go about her