Thank you for texting me that picture last night. Although why did you say "hopefully I'll come back" ? I think you just meant you're really looking forward to your vacation and probably won't want to come back, not that it's actually a possibility.

Anyway, I do think you're in need of a break and I hope you have a good time. And don't fall overboard and drown.

Dr. S - I have discontinued the wellbutrin. The benefits were outweighed by the side effects and I'd rather take my full 40mg of Adderall.

I have also ordered some ketamine and some shrooms. While there is a ketamine clinic nearby, I haven't built up my savings so far that I'm willing to spend 3k there. Maybe I should have asked you if you'd be willing to prescribe spravato, but I think if you were you wouldn't feel like there's nothing else to try with meds. I've kept an eye out for clinical studies I could participate in for shrooms, but it seems they want you to be free of other psychotropics and I can't go through withdrawal right now.

Please understand that this isn't about getting high. I just really need to feel better and I don't think I can afford to wait for these treatments to be more accessible. I will be testing the ketamine to ensure it isn't cut with fentanyl or other drugs I don't intend to take.

I understand you think I've exhausted the ability for medication to help, but I disagree that this is due to the problem being purely psychological. Therapy cannot be effective when I feel like this.