I read some of the things I said in my past on PC out of curiousity, way back when I was a really hated member on PC...my mouth dropped. I am absolutely shocked that I could even say anything that horrible to anyone let alone REPEATEDLY AND FOR TWO YEARS. None of anything I said back then sounds like who I am at all. I mean, I am absolutely nothing like who I was then. I can't even explain why I was such a mean, nasty person. Who I am now is someone who would never hurt a fly, who has the biggest heart, who thinks about other people and other animals, who is honest and truthful and a lover of God and will do anything for family. I am now finally at a point where I have many good friends here who support me and cheer me on--some of these members have known me a long time, and I can't remember for sure, but I'm pretty sure some of my biggest cheerleaders used to know that old LL, the evil, vindictive, CRAZY mean person that I can't even recognize as being me. And after what I've just read, I have no idea how they would ever forgive me for the things I've said in the past--if it was me seeing this person, I'd never reply to their posts again because they were that crazy and mean/ So I am stunned that the people who stuck around still support me. I couldn't. I couldn't be friends in person let alone friends on the internet with someone who I used to be.

I was a really bad person, but I guess the point is, you can change. I've been through a lot. I lost my mind, a house in a wildfire, a house in a house fire...and you know, the list can go on and on, but I never ever gave up, I moved forward, I conquered, I have been going to therapy since I was 14, I've done hours of group classes, mindful meditation, I found God, I tried really really hard to overcome the hardship IN MY OWN MIND so I can be a loving, honest, truthful, loyal, kind, generous, optimisistic, caring kickass Queen that I am today. My god, I thought I wasn't a queen because I wasn't good enough NOW. And now that I see, OH MY GOD, THAT'S who I was!?!!?!? That I realize I really am a queen. I am royalty, because I have made the transformation from the monster to the princess. And I guess while I'm making a speech I might as well say the cheesy "you can do it too" because you can. You can go from a horrible, mean, ugly, pessismistic monster to a beautiful, kind, optimistic , loving Queen. I mean, I feel like yeah, I really have changed, and THANK GOD IT'S FOR THE BETTER!!!!! I hope I will only continue to become stronger and kinder...and seriously, I'm really, really curious how the long time members can accept the changes in me after I treated people so badly.