I recently relocated and am looking for a new therapist. It's been difficult, because there are not many therapists here to choose from who are accepting new clients and take my insurance. I met with a new therapist recently and I tried to go in with a pretty open mind, but there are some things that kind of bothered me from our last session. I don't know what to do because I am starting to feel desperate to find someone who is has experience, but I also don't want to ignore flags that make me uncomfortable. I don't know if I am just being overly critical.

First, she asked me when I realized I was gay. The whole thing felt uncomfortable and I felt like she had a hidden motive for asking me that. She asked me if I had ever been in a serious relationship and the truth is, I haven't, but I lied and said there was someone I was interested in who was interested in me because I felt embarrassed. She then asked if my ex-T (who I was in love with who basically led me on), was when I realized I was gay. It made me feel infantile, since being gay isn't something you just "realize" - it's a part of who I am, something I've always known deep down.

Later on in the session, after I told her about the things ex-T did, she brought up erotic transference/counter-transference and how it's important for therapists to keep themselves in check. She said it it sounded like ex-T wasn't self-aware enough to keep it under control. She told me about a client she had who was a narcissist and that she felt attracted to him and that he asked her to get drinks with him after his session one day. She told me she felt tempted to and almost did, but received consultation about it. It just made me feel uncomfortable that the therapist was sharing this with me about another client. While she was probably trying to humanize/normalize the feelings that can develop between therapist and client, I didn't feel like I needed that. I can't put my finger on it exactly, but I suppose I felt like I lost a little respect for her. I know that sounds bad, but I have never had a therapist share with me about their erotic transference for another client before. Are my feelings warranted? Would this make you guys uncomfortable? On a different note, I am not a big fan of the terms "transference" and "counter-transference" anyway but she's psychodynamic so I guess I probably have to get over that.