Your words mean a lot to me. I love reading all of your comments, and you're a very special person on PC to me. Thank you so much for your kindness and honesty. This put things in perspective and made me feel better.

My whole life I have been told I am my harshest critic and a perfectionist and too hard on myself. I am my own worst enemy, and I project that on others and I feel like others see me the way I see myself. It is something I would really like to work on. It took me years to stop verbally abusing myself when I looked in the mirror. Now more and more I'm telling myself I look beautiful...the weight loss is really boosting my self-esteem--I'm trying to understand the concept of loving yourself while making changes and improving yourself (of weight loss for example.)

That's why for the past couple years I've enjoyed exploring fashion. I told myself in the past that I wear ugly clothes and know nothing about style, so on top of telling myself that, I struggled with gender identity, so I only wore men's clothes...But at one point in college, some light bulb went off and I thought to myself, "what does it mean to be a woman? What does female empowerment mean to me? Can I feel pretty/beautiful/sexy?"

I have found that what has gotten me more accepting towards my body is what I wear. When I dress up and look my best, I feel my best, I feel good about myself, and I love the attention I get...I'm always getting compliments everywhere I go, and as someone who cannot compliment myself the validation that I am looking my best makes me feel good. So, to make a long story short (too late) fashion makes me comfortable to be myself at any size because you can always look good at any weight...I feel at any weight there is always something you can wear that can make you feel pretty.

And to note, no other 29-year old dresses like me. I just don't fit into that style of the 20-somethings, I just do my own thing and I guess to a lot of people it's refreshing and they like it and I like it. I couldn't describe my style even if I wanted to. Big city girl on a Goodwill budget, hahahahahaha. That sounds bad but I really don't know how else to describe my style...

But this upcoming Decembr I am becoming the big 30. Something I'd really like to accomplish is to feel sexy by 30 AKA "thirty, flirty, and thriving". And this has nothing to do with weight loss (but would certainly enhance the feeling), I'd really like to wear clothing I feel sexy in, but have no idea what that even looks like to me. Thinking of myself as sexy is unheard of, but sexy by 30 in 10 months is a good goal. I know weight loss and fashion are two big factors, but it's also a mindset. Believe it or not, sometimes I'll look in the mirror and tell myself, "Yeah, I am sexy." It's usually followed with "how?? why????" But I'm trying to practice it.