After having a really terrible night with ed last night i woke up this morning and decided i was going to do things right today. I got up and planned out my meals for the day and did a calorie calculation to make sure i was where i needed to be.

I was doing well, but in the back of my mind i couldnt wait to go back to my empty house to look for something to devour. Sure enough i gave in to an ice cream and chocolate chip cookie binge.
Im staying at a friends watching her dogs tonight, and i knew i should eat dinner, so i ate a healthy dinner. But just an hour later i found myself again devouring. I just dont have it in me to keep purging after these episodes. my gums and throat are sore but i know if i dont do something im going to get fat.

i cant even enjoy a night with friends because i cant bring myself to get dressed in clothes that will reveal my shape or size. This has become such a problem that my girlfriend is even sick of trying to help me and is just discouraged.

im so disappointed. i thought for sure today was going to be a good day but its just another let down