I was looking at my therapy notes recently and found t had written at the start of every session some observation. Sometimes it was random but often it was outfits and eye contact. I cannot explain why or how but I feel so observed and self conscious. I put myself together so people see the "perfect" outside and never question what's going g on. T knows this. I've spent years trying to convince myself it's ok to dress casually with t, that I can trust her. I guess it feels like maybe not.

Yes they notice sometimes and it doesn't always feel great.