I am not sure what I would do if I was in your situation. It sounds like you are a very thoughtful person who carefully weighs the pros and cons of your actions so I think you will be able to arrive at something you can live with. When I weigh the pros and cons of actions I also try to prioritize what is most important and that sometimes helps me. Don't know if that would help you or if you have already done that. I wish you only the best!