@CANDC

Thank you for your reply, that really is great advice. I like that "my anxious thoughts are not to be trusted" because I am definitely my own worst enemy sometimes and get in my own way.

I think that my worst fear is that I will have a bad experience and that will make me not ever want to go back to therapy and I know at this point it's my only hope. I guess all that means though is that I have to find the courage to keep fighting to get better even if it makes me uncomfortable.

I will try to list my fears and keep telling myself that they're not realistic. The worst part for me will probably be the time leading up to the first appointment. If I can get through that maybe I can sort this thing out.