Quote:
Originally Posted by GoGo2
Dear Sope du jour!  You are right in that I don't know the whole story. On the other hand we know that some of the professionals are not professional enough with their patients. I think that I always will think of warning people against these "unprofessional professionals" because it can mean a lot of more suffering to those abused in some way or other by their therapist.
I meant no harm with my post.
May be you can think of this past therapist as some kind of a blessing that belongs to the past, something to be grateful for as a past experience. When I have some kind of problems that take too much of my time I set apart time and place to think about them. That helps me to not let my time be occupied with "things" that drags my mind off the current situation. May be that can work for you as well?
Years ago I had a female therapist that gave me a hug while saying: "My Child". I had never asked for a new mother. I walked out and never returned. All abuses in a therapist/patient relationship are not always about sex.
I see that in your life situation your life is limited. It is not good to feel that one does not belong. I don't know if it is appropriate to give you some advice, but I got the following thoughts when I read the last part of your post: Is there some kind of study (light) that you can participate in? A cook-study as an example, (people will be delighted to talk to you if you are in such a study to learn their national dishes). Can you participate in a language study (if your mental health is OK enough to learn such difficult stuff)? Do you have some kind of interest that you know that spending more time on may help you to feel better? Are you a member of a Church or some other kind of spirituality that you can visit more often? Is your health good enough to do voluntary work of some kind?
Can your husband invite some people he know to your home for a visit?
I hope your total situation will slowly become better and better! 
My very best wishes for you and your situation!  |
Hi GoGo2. I knew that your post was only with good thoughts in mind. And as I wrote, you are 100% correct in the core of what you said. Good advice, and yes, if I had not become as emotionally entangled with my psychiatrist (yes, he was my psychiatrist and not therapist) I would likely not be pining for what he offered me those years. But at the same time, I am grateful for him. His caring was beyond what most people receive from their doctors, even if a bit over the recommended.
Tomorrow will be my fifth online Czech lesson. This Friday we're going to see a play that my husband's friend from Prague is starring in (he's coming all the way from there). Yes, there is definitely much more that I could do to integrate. What's hanging over my husband and me is the possibility of moving to France in the near future. It's hard not knowing where we'll settle long-term. The world chaos is also seeming like a threat.
This is not the first transference/countertransference situation in my life. Exactly like you described, I had a female psychologist that was a mother figure to me. She treated me like a daughter. The lovely lady even looked like my mother. When she moved her office and stopped taking insurance, she saw me nearly for free. Only a nominal $10. She also often wanted to hug me. She asked my permission, but it was atypical. As she was Turkish, there may have been a cultural tendency there. Maybe. I felt it best to stop seeing her because of the distance and even the mother-daughter feel. And yet, she continued visiting my blog and occasionally commenting. I had to stop responding as once she sent me a panicky email based on something in my blog. I've also had therapists that seemed to dislike me, that I quit. One told my pdoc that I "scared" her and she literally suspended me, at one point. I also had a couple male psychologists who seemed to like me a bit too much, but in a freakier way than my last psychiatrist. One I called the "Adulation Tdoc" as he complimented me incessantly and continued to do so even after I asked him to stop. Over a three session period, I counted over 10 compliments. I tracked them. Some were quite spooky and extremely inappropriate.Whether it's me or that I just found some doozies, I don't know.