Hey. Lithium aside, it would be understandable if the discussions over the last while had resulted in your feeling depressed and / or panicky. The discussions would be fairly understandably experienced as confrontational from your perspective on a number of levels, and processing and integrating that would be exhausting for most people, I would think.

I'm not at all sure that stopping posting here would be the ideal solution. I'm glad that you decided not to leave us :-)

One middle ground (perhaps) would be to have your account deleted (so that you aren't searchable) and start over with a more 'anonymous' internet posting identity. How come? Because it is perfectly possible that your current clients and / or your potential clients read and / or post here, and as it is it wouldn't be too hard for them to put the online identity and the in person identity together. Why would that be a not so helpful thing? If I really think about it, I'd be pretty shocked if I put your online posts together with my therapist, for example. How come? Because it is more personal information than I would want to know, basically. How would you feel if you encountered such personal information about your real life therapist? I'd think it would be something that you would want to process with him, at least. A kind of 'when I read about your having a terrible week I felt like what I said in my session may have contributed to that, and I felt awful' kind of a thing. It might be very hard indeed (too close to home) if one of your clients tried to have one of those conversations with you (I don't think many therapists would be able to negotiate that successfully in the optimal way for their clients precisely because it would be touching on their own issues so much).

I keep thinking of Marsha Linehan... I find her to be the therapist who has done the most with respect to reducing stigma for people with Borderline Personality Disorder. Clients read her treatment manual and feel like she really understands them. Therapists read her treatment manual, respect her as a clinician, and feel like she really understands them. One of the posters on the SDN suggested that she had a history of Borderline Personality Disorder. I remember wondering that while reading her work. I wondered if she had a history and if that was what motivated her to do the work she did, and if that was what enabled her to have such insight and understanding. Maybe it was... But maybe it wasn't. I don't think Linehan says anything anywhere about having struggled with Borderline Personality Disorder. It might be that she posts anonymously to internet forums to help her deal with her own struggle, however ;-)

I'm really glad that you aren't going to stop posting. I really value your contribution here, and I really value your contribution on the SDN, too. It might be worth thinking about how recent events have contributed to your mood... It might also be worth thinking about some kind of middle ground with respect to how to optimally integrate your professional and personal aspects to your identity... Not with respect to dissociating in an unhealthy way, but with respect to presenting oneself appropriately in different settings (and being sensitive to potentially unhelpful overlaps). Just a thought...

Hang in there.