I did have actual trauma events - multiple ones. I went into therapy knowing those events were the root of pretty much all of my issues with depression, anxiety, lack of confidence, etc., so we worked through those events regularly from the get go.

The work was intentionally slow. My therapists knew I had serious PTSD and dissociated during the trauma as a protective instinct, and that instinct kicked in when approaching those trauma events in therapy.

My last therapist did not want to just delve willy-nilly into those events and risk retraumatizing me -- a problem, he said, with some therapists' approach to trauma where they just keep pressing a client through memory without much purpose other than exploring those memories.

What ended up being most effective for me was a very selective approach to those events. Generally how we approached those events was from starting with whatever was going on in my present. If, for instance, I reacted intensely to a current situation - more intensely than that situation really warranted - that was an indication that I really was reacting that intensely because of some connection I was making to something much older and not really in my present awareness. That would be where we would work backwards through my emotions to my thoughts that triggered those emotions and continuing backward until I could see where my core beliefs - often quite mistaken due to trauma - were creating my hyper-reaction to my current situation. That's where we would explore the trauma, but in a very specific and limited way just to explore the connection in that moment. The dives into those events were short and specific and carefully planned. He was extremely careful to only do this in small bites and to constantly work with me to not dissociate in the process.

It took a decade to work through the trauma events and finally be able to reach a place where I can truly say they hold very little power over me anymore. I can think about those events now without them creating much anxiety in me because those memories and those traumas finally lost that power.

While I still hold a PTSD diagnosis, and at times I am reminded that PTSD is still there, it is not a constant issue for me anymore. It just comes up occasionally, and I know what I need to do to work through it without it taking hold again.

Working through and beyond the trauma was what healed me, and the skills I learned for safe self-regulation of my thoughts, emotions, and behaviors in the process are what continue to allow me to manage quite well and with stability even when new stresses and traumas arise in my life.