The thing is I know being with him is stupid but it's all I deserve. Just like I'm going to **** up my sobriety because I'm not a good person. I'm scheduled an appointment with my T next week but it'll be our last telehealth before I see my new T (through telehealth as well) and she's not going to know the background and today was a day of crashing so I don't really expect to have the spoons to explain things to her when I see her.