It sounds like your sister is toxic to your well-being on every level. How did you cope during the last 5 years of your parents' lives with your sister's behavior against you?

I did consult with an attorney who actually has active cases of siblings fighting each other over their parent's estates at the memory care nursing home where our mother currently resides. He is affordable and reputable. However, I told him I would not be filing anything against my sister unless I'm 100% certain that I need to.

Like your sister, my sister has 100% control of our mother's finances. I have no doubt she is pilfering our mother's left over money into her checking account after the county takes out the amount that the elderly waiver requires, and spends it on herself and her family.

In fact, it would explain how she had her car's engine entirely replaced (which cost her $5K) and how she was able to afford to fly abroad for 8 days to visit her daughter. There is no way she could have done that on her salary alone esp. since her husband works part-time and they have two other teenagers.

When our mother eventually passes away, I don't expect to get anything from the will, as far as an inheritance or portion of our mother's life insurance. I'm not going to count on it. What I will count on, is that my sister and brother split our mother's life insurance money between themselves after our mother's funeral costs are paid for. They're both very selfish, so I would be shocked if I received anything. It makes me nauseous to think about.

I dread the wake/funeral too, bc it will consist of the two of them leaving me out of the planning. I don't even think my sister will call me to let me know when our mother passes away (she is the one who memory care will contact when that happens).

When I think about it, I worry that it will be an extremely awkward and terrible experience for me, b/c instead of being able to normally grieve for the loss of my mother, I'll be faced with two toxic siblings who will likely gaslight me at our mother's wake/funeral as they are want to do. I'll be either completely left out and no one will talk to me there, or I'l be the target of everyone's "ire" b/c of years of their trash-talking about me with family. I don't have a very positive outlook for that day. I dread it, actually. It's going to be hell, for me, emotionally.

Reading your story Open Eyes about your own toxic sister, reminded me that I'm not alone, so I appreciate the fact that you posted your own personal experience with toxic siblings on my thread about my toxic sister (and brother).

I also agree with you that the hardest lessons that we learn in our lives usually come from our close family members who mistreat us. How were you able to 100% estrange yourself without letting the grief attached to the loss of the relationship (albeit toxic) not ruin your life?

I already suffer from pre-loss grief regarding our mother who is in memory care, which is why i think i feel physically and emotionally exhausted. Add the grief I am experiencing now about the loss of the idealized relationship that I had wanted with my sister, yet never got....let's just say I had a bunch of blood tests recently done for my physical and the results show my body is low in vitamins and minerals and even my thyroid levels are really low.

And it also doesn't help that I'm also going through menopause, finally, which is when your hormonal levels and cortisol levels go bonkers while your body adjusts to being "old."

My whole body is reacting to the grief I feel.

I emailed my professor today to say that I was too sick to attend today's class which is true. I think self-care qualifies as a justifiable reason to set aside daily responsibilities when you just need to rest and take care of yourself? So, I gave myself permission to spend the weekend doing nothing but sleep and catch up on homework.

I just need to make it to Monday and get my homework done. I plan to take a lot of baths, nap, drink tea, and journal to help me process everything. Easier said than done, of course. I think on some level, I knew this day was coming.

My sister and I were never close. It's been that way our entire lives. Why was I so delusional? Why did I waste so much time trying to get her to like me? When I think of how much better my life would be, had I left home at 18 and never spoke to my mother and siblings again I regret not doing that. I didn't give myself permission to set that boundary with them then. I wish I had known then, what I know now.

I am so sad.

I hope that I can find those people who understand and will treat me with grace, instead of judgment, Sarah Sweets. That's what I need. Friends who except me despite my toxic family. That would be amazing to build that community of supportive friends around me