Oh, dear Motts, ((((massive sympathetic huggggs))))

I am sad to read these things. It brings back so much for me, what I endured for years at the hands of not only my sister, but also another narcissist, my step-monster. I had nowhere to turn, because my depression was so bad, I literally could not think well enough to form any kind of plan to defend myself on any level, especially legally.

Do not bring regret on yourself, on top of everything else.

I would gently suggest that if you are thinking of taking legal action to protect what's left of your mother's finances, you do it without hesitation. Firstly, because I'm certain that IF she is utilizing your mom's money for her own selfish reasons, she is ALREADY guilty of elder abuse. The law is clear on this, and I believe it is the same right across North America. It should be relatively easy to do while your mom is still well enough to answer basic questions. Because no one sibling should be in sole charge of a parent's finances. It's patently unethical.

Secondly, you need to read-up on narcissistic behaviour, even if you take it on just a little at a time. It will immediately begin to help protect you from your sister's petty little attempts to devalue you and make matters far worse. The longer she does this without you being able to defend yourself, the more damage it does to your health & well-being. Even if her little games seem trivial and small, she is still attacking you. Trust me! It's time for you to arm yourself, and get serious about how these people operate.

My sister has used mirroring (dressing like me, talking like me, reading the same books, watching the same TV shows, even 'agreeing' with me or defending me in front of other people---all for show, basically) to gain my natural tendency to be very compassionate, non-judgemental, and forgiving, so that she can then later turn around and devalue me by twisting a situation yet again. She's done this over and over, literally hundreds of times (among other little tricks in her arsenal). I became deeply frustrated trying to figure out what her problem with me was. But over time, I saw her do it to other people. I started putting 2+2 together a little more, every time her mask slipped. It was a powerful weapon that she used skillfully for years, but it certainly wasn't the only one. The purple clothing thing could possibly be something like that.

My sister (and my step-monster) used the Appearing-to-be-generous-gift-bestowing-trick on me many, many times through the years. It was one of the weirder ammunitions they periodically chose. They would invariably make a big show out of the "gift", always in front of other people, or even more insidiously, while alone with me, to convince me they paid attention to my likes and dislikes; which of course served to make them appear tuned-in and sensitive. But the "gift" almost always was a double-edged sword, in the figurative sense. It would be something that could be taken as insulting, when I gave it some thought. Once, my sister gave me a set of little liquid shower soaps from a gift shop she knew I liked a great deal. She had made a note of the fragrances that I told her always reminded me of a great love I had when I was younger (she also knew this person had broken my heart very badly, and used me quite atrociously). She knew damn well that this would rattle me, showering with these fragranced soaps. It was like she was saying, To hell with you and all your tender, wounded feelings. She smiled, even as she twisted the knife.

I could not figure out her intentions or motivations, because nothing in NORMAL psychology had prepared me for this, and other little stunts (which she used, like mirroring, continually through my relationship with her). She (and step-monster) literally perfected it over time, always coming out smelling like a rose, to those looking-on. But the pain they caused me was powerful, and lasting---to say nothing of the TIME I wasted trying to "figure them out".

It was akin to a slow death by a thousand cuts.

From everything you've written, I have no doubt your sister is an undiagnosed narcissist in the clinical sense. Please, don't wait another year trying to figure her out! My sister and step-monster both played the long game with me, and it damaged me unnecessarily, and it cost me a great deal emotionally. I am stronger for the experience, but it really did some harm. Save yourself in every way by becoming savvy about this situation.

Some resources for you:

9 Tips, Tools, and Strategies for Narcissistic Abuse Recovery

12 Survival Tips for Living with a Narcissist (because we can't choose our family; we're stuck with them)

Free Support Group | Narcissistic Abuse Recovery Online

From these links, you should be able to journey on and find more assistance for your situation.

I wish you all the best. Please do always remember, you are the owner of your psyche. You are the only one who can truly defend it.