@Marie123 ultimately I know I’m not, but still feel that all these years on. How gross and horrific this particular day was especially. The feeling of him, his stuff just makes me feel sick, icky and horrible.

@Open Eyes I know she’s not there to judge, maybe it’s just fear because of having been judged throughout my life. She has been great at taking on board my fears and concerns. She’s allowed me the courtesy of emailing before or between session if needed. It’s been such an emotional rollercoaster. My fears are very much front and centre in my head. I’ve been dismissed and misunderstood by therapists before, so I am very guarded. She is trying to be as supportive through all that too and has been understanding of my fears. She knows they’re not there for nothing. We’re going to try a new technique next time so that it allows me some distance enough to open up (hopefully).