I go to a program called Celebrate Recovery on Fridays well the first Friday of every month they have what is called chip night. I celebrated this month 24 years of being clean off meth and cocaine. It was a struggle for the first couple of years and I remember for like the first 15 or 20 years all kinds of different things made think about when I used.

This old friend 8f mine at CR invited me over to his house yesterday for movie night. I actually went and really enjoyed myself. When I got home last night I have had this weight in my mind and decided to vent on Facebook and I'm not going to say what I said but I really blasted God at the end of it I wrote down that I still loved God and that I was going to erase this in the morning and I did. I was surprised cause I did not want anyone to respond and I had posted at such a late time. Well one of my buddies blasted me telling me how wrong I was and that I should have never posted this and some other things. I was amazed at how many people that defended me. One of them was my mother in law and she is a go to church twice on Sundays and once on Wednesdays for bible study. She really put my buddy on notice and let him have it I was really surprised.
I did not respond to anyone that posted I just read the comments then I deleted the post like I said I would. I don't hate god he is a very big part of my life and I blasted him pretty good last night but I know that that is allowed cause he knows what I am going to say even before I do. It actually felt really cleansing to clear my mind last night.
Things are getting better slowly and I still cry a couple of times a day and I cry myself to sleep several times a week.

The one thing I also did last night was before I left the house my daughter and I text and talk everyday. She had mentioned that her favorite band Slipknott was coming to town but she could not afford to go. When I got home from my buddies the first thing I did was go online and order her and her girlfriend a set of tickets. I took a screenshot of the tickets and sent it to her. She was working but about 2 minutes later she was blowing up my phone. I gave them to her as a early birthday present cause her birthday is the 10th of July but my 24th anniversary is on the 17th and I knew I would be useless around then. I also gave it to her cause she deserves a break from all this stuff with her mom and me. She has been there everyday since my wife passed. The day my wife died I called her to tell her the news and she was right in the middle of work she did not say anything to anyone she just got up got in her car and came right over. She did not get in trouble but that kid of mine is so damned stubborn lol.
My daughter is a lot like my wife was she is very kind hearted and compassionate and loving but unfortunately she inherited my stupid temper.

Well thanks for letting me vent I appreciate it.

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