Exactly at what time did you expect the email from her? How early? Did she know beforehand how early you will want a notification under such extreme circumstances? She needs to be informed in time of your expectations if timing of communication is of such importance to you.

My opinion is, I would not take a messaging personally that's about a discussion of impersonal circumstances and conditions i.e. scheduling of sessions. Even if the person is close to me, even if I am very attached to them. I find making the outright impersonal into a personal topic just blurs things and makes it harder to communicate in a discussion.

In general, if you wish to test her attitude towards you, this is not the best kind of opportunity to do so. It would be way too ambiguous an opportunity for that. Most situations will simply be too ambiguous for that. Since this is a close, attached relationship for you, IMO best to drop any intent to test, and just simply bring up your issues with trusting her attitude, and talk it out with her. If you find you absolutely cannot trust her enough to discuss that trust issue with her, it's time to find a new therapist where you can build better trust.

I agree that under such extreme circumstances it's normal to want to make sure that the session will still happen as usual and whether it will be in the office or online. I would also be uncomfortable with the ambiguity and would just ask them for information as soon as I think of the issue, plus let them know that I'm still able to come (or not).

As for her not checking advice, yeah, I guess she's a fallible human being.

I'd again try to not involve any personal feelings in assessing the issue and would discuss it as an impersonal matter to try and find a solution, compromise, whatever. Either way, I'd definitely mention that I think under extreme or special circumstances there should be no charge. That just seems reasonable to me. Whether such special circumstances include unexpected changes with the work schedule, that's I guess at the therapist's discretion as a service provider. Say, if the unexpected changes happen frequently, then it's just not workable for most providers to cover for all of it. But a rare special or extreme circumstance, sure. I would see that as perfectly reasonable to waive the fee then.

If she won't do it even then, or simply won't accommodate your preferences for the regular schedule, it is up to you to decide if you are willing to work with her under those conditions. Up to you to evaluate if the pros are still worth it more than the cons. That's completely and entirely in your control to evaluate and decide that. Managing your attachment is also in your control. See more on that a bit below.

You don't *have to* disrupt your work schedule. You can find another therapist, you can even find another therapy approach if psychoanalytic doesn't work for you anymore.

And if I were you, I'd again want to see it as, my own decision on whether I'm willing to adjust to the therapist's schedule, leaving her personal needs out of it. I do subscribe to the camp that sees therapy and the therapist as a professional service being provided by a service provider who's supposed to be an expert at providing it. As providing therapy definitely requires expertise if you want to have it actually working and improving your issues and symptoms. I will again admit that I don't see psychoanalytic therapy as evidence based enough, at all.

What do you mean by, this is a pattern of behaviour? How would you put it into words as to what the pattern is?

I can see one pattern, which is, she doesn't seem to have time to notify you early of all the changes. I don't know how many other clients she has to manage scheduling for, or how much she's aware of your need to be notified early enough. Or how early is early enough for you.

I would still not see it as part of the personal relationship, as it's just about scheduling sessions. If I were her, I would not even be willing to discuss my personal reasons (such as being tired in the evening) for why I wanted to move the sessions. I'd be courteous in notifying the clients but would not discuss in such depth. My clients can either decide to accept or not accept the change. (Maternity leave sure, I could share that reason, but not how I feel in the evenings. That's completely in the sphere of my personal, private life.)

Not the first time that I'll say this on here.... if I were to find myself this attached to a therapist that I make the impersonal into personal too, I'd just run. I admit that I personally don't find it helpful for me to get that attached. There is a reason why I no longer try to do "deep" therapy like that. Let alone psychoanalytic therapy.... Or if I was trusting the therapist enough, I'd try to make it an opportunity for discussion on my emotions about it and figure out how to bring it up and make it into such an opportunity for learning more about my feelings, myself, trust and intimate relationships in general.

So, it's fine to be upset by all this, I mean, fine to feel upset, and of course don't invalidate it by calling it "oh I'm just overreacting" right away, but you can try and view it as a chance to process the feelings in the context of the attachment and the relationship.

I would suggest doing some cognitive-behavioural analysis on that. It's common to assume what the other person thinks or feels, but it's always just a guess, never reality. Without further information or disclosure from that person, it's not a reality or actual fact. Same applies here even if it's a bit different (as a parallel). Whatever reasoning you think she should be able to think of right away, it may not be the reality. Unless you explicitly told her before about this issue and she already let you know that she fully understands your wishes.

I understand that it feels hurtful. Just be aware and prepared that she might see that as an argument, too. I hope she will be able to understand that you are not "just trying to argue" but that you genuinely are looking for a resolution and for your feelings to be understood. And maybe some help with processing them, by viewing the "argument" as a good opportunity for that.

Says "all", as in?

I agree that it would be ridiculous but I'm not aware that she actually said that? Since your cancellation was about work, not about the natural disaster ruining your day? And yeah, I can understand the need to keep things clean as in, on professional terms, and yeah, that would not have to be ruined by having clear exceptions for extreme circumstances. Which would either be well-defined in advance, or with a decent explanation given to the client if the particular situation is not covered by previous definitions.

It is fully in your power to decide how much power you want to grant someone else, yes even in an attached relationship. If I were you, I would want to focus on how to achieve that. It's part of having interdependence in a relationship.

Furthermore, just my opinion about therapy, but I would disagree that the therapeutic relationship is supposed to be about giving up power like this. I'm strongly convinced that that would just not be helpful to the client in the long run.

The significance of the therapeutic relationship is not to do with making the client emotionally dependent and powerless. It's supposed to be quite the opposite! It's supposed to be rather empowering, helping with developing interdependence, and so on and so on. If therapy does not achieve that, it's not working. Either the therapist or the approach or both is/are not matching for the client.

(Very personal view: I get it that having to experience difficult emotions, feelings can require putting the control aside and previous intellectual assumptions. But then (general) you have to recover back to your normal way of being, fast enough, without becoming so dependent emotionally on a therapist.)

I wouldn't be sure that her lack of flexibility is necessarily about trying to take advantage of her clients. Does this possibility fall in line with what you've experienced so far over the years of the rest of her character? Where do your current trust issues with her come from? All that's maybe worth a look. Whether on your own or with her (if you can trust her enough to discuss this with her).

And if you find she's deliberately tried to make you attached and dependent to her beyond a point where it does feel out of your control, then it's time to leave, IMO. But it would be hard to prove such manipulation from this little information. It would need more information and analysis and some understanding of your gut feelings to decide that. That it's deliberate manipulation, or her lacking expertise for your case, or her approach not working for you and so on. That's how I see it.

And finally, as far as leaving this therapist to find another one, you don't have to switch so abruptly if it helps have a transitioning period to make it less traumatic. You can even start therapy with the new therapist before fully leaving this one if that helps make it smoother.

Hope some of this helped. I wish you the best luck to all this!!