I haven't posted here in a very long time, so I am sure no one remembers me. This isn't really a question more than a request for insight.

A few years back, I had a whirlwind relationship, mostly online, with a woman from Russia. We hit it off, and we did have a long and wonderful visit in person and hit it off even more. We were seriously discussing marriage.

Super long story short: A few weeks after she went home and after she sent a video saying that "I am her man," she vanishes for a few months. She comes back and says that she can't marry me. She said that it would be impossible to get her son's dad to sign the paperwork so she can bring her son. We talk off and on for about a half a year.

We then start talking a lot more often and way more intensely. At one point, she asks me to watch various movies, and when I do, she asks what I would do in that position if she were the other person. For example, she wanted to know what I would do if I were Chris Pratt's character in Passengers and she was Jennifer Lawrence's character. Stuff like that.

A while after that, she admits that she is trying to get a job transfer to Poland or Italy so she "can be one step closer to you."

A few weeks later, I crashed my bicycle and fractured 7 bones. I tell her about it when I am in the hospital. They kept me a few days due to intermittently blanking out. The morning after the wreck, she asked how I am doing, and we briefly talk.

I do not hear from her again for 11 months.

She comes back because she saw that I posted pictures of my new dog. We talked 2 or 3 times, mostly about the dog. She ignores any personal questions at all and disappears again.

In early January, while I had spent the past few months watching my dad slowly die, she messages out of the blue. She sends me an alarming message: "I am standing on the 16th floor, and I want to jump. I have nowhere to go. And I don't know what to do. It's scary. But no other way out."

I sent a message to one of her friends who knows about me and spent weeks searching newspaper and social media reports from her area. The only thing that I found is that it appears she is now married. I have proof that she was not when we spent time together.

My dad died just days after I thought she might have jumped. I almost didn't survive that month.

I really just want her to be happy, so as long as she met someone new and nice. I can't really ask for much more than that for her. I would genuinely be happy for her. It is not even 100% sure that she is married. It was all in Russian, which I am bad at.

If she is married, or even not, why would I be the one that she sent that message to? What could I do to help? Does that mean anything?

She told me several times that she would always come back to me, but I have no idea why she vanishes.

Yeah, she is awful with communication, which is odd because we could talk for 6-8 straight and never run out of things to talk about.

Very recently, we talked a little. She is alive, which is the only important thing. Things are bonkers in Russia right now. She said she was sick, so we didn't talk about her suicide message, marriage, or anything really. I am just grateful that she is alive.

She is obviously frightened about recent events and was rightfully afraid of speaking her mind online.

I can't even begin to describe the pain that I have been in the last few years. I can not block her or yell at her. Yes, I am angry, but I am not the type to lash out. What's the point? I would lose her and be 100% alone.

She is literally the only person on this planet that will talk to me at all, more than simple "hi, how are you" because I am garbage. It will be 3 years this summer since I have seen her in person, and she is still the first and last thing I think of every day. Honestly, I love her as much today as I did when she was with me.

This isn't even the worst that I have been treated and is not really that bad. It is confusing, is all. I am trash and deserve all the embarrassing reasons women have broken up with me.

I just can't get a fix on her behavior. I knew that she had some mental issues, but I could never put my finger on it. She had never been diagnosed with anything, as far as I know. I was shocked that she was at the point where she was thinking of jumping.

I realize that no one here knows her or the full story, but does anyone have any insight into this behavior?

Assuming there is enough info and context here.

Maybe it will help me get over her, or more likely, help me deal with whatever this relationship has become. I am 53 and a loser, so it will definitely be my last. Sorry that my short story was so long. Thanks for any replies.