The negative symptoms of schizophrenia/depression caused me so much pain and made me ignorant of life by proxy of not wanting to try - And people caused me pain because of that. They still do when I'm not on phenibut.

Now, after the trip, I'm interested in everything.. I thought it was good but I'm not sure if anyone has been through something like this - People tell me what to do - But I have to listen to myself. And what all I hear is static.

The noise is of nonsense. Once I get older, things will start to make sense. But I can't tolerate any more trauma or else my mind will shatter from severe anxiety and despair.

I'm not gonna really think about what I want to say - I'm in different moods (About 50 a week - And the faster the thought groups cycle, the bigger the number gets). The cycle is like a swirl, consuming everything while going in a straight line (Like the earth around the sun - Because the sun is moving in a direction). It's all new, never ending questions and answers (Maybe this is normal - But I certainly had a problem).

The way I reacted to life wasn't normal. Maybe I just need some sort of structure. I'm pulled in every single direction, stretching out. Idk. The Wellbutrin is the only change. I'm not sure if I'll stay on it.

But reality is extremely traumatizing to me - I think about what is really going on.. Most people do - But they'd rather be mindless, distracted. All I do is overthink and feel baseline, more pain than average. It was this way since forever.

I know these things might sound weird for me to say... But the deeper underlying issues are normal maybe. I can't articulate. My open mindedness could destroy me. Lol...