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Originally Posted by ArmorPlate108
Etceteral, it sounds like you've been finding your way and are maybe onto something that works for you?
If you don't mind me asking, how long have you been working at mindfulness or acceptance?
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Thanks for the optimism lol. I'm trying to find my way yeah but.....So you asked about how long I've been working at mindfulness and acceptance, and my answer is I've tried to look at it several times over the years but I always get hung up on how to try and apply it in the way it's described (I've seen several ways of describing it). The openness thing I mentioned is just how I go about facing and accepting emotional things by default, but I have a big problem with being able to get that far when it comes to these very intense ones.
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One of the biggest things that I took from Dr Weekes work was that nothing is going to change quickly. She says that you will wake up months or even years from now and realize that it's changed. That helped me a lot, knowing that it was going to take enough time that I might not even be aware of the changes. In my case, that was true, but of course as we all know, everyone's situation is different.
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True, it's one of the things that's helped me keep going.
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After I did Dr. Weekes recommendations for a number of years, I got to the point that I could recognize and deactivate intense anxiety in a matter of seconds- it was great.
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That's awesome.
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Then my DH got sick (mental? physical? Don't know and he's not into self-improvement) and I lost myself trying to help him. That's where I lost emotions. I will look up the information you recommended.
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I lost emotions too after a bad problem in my life, so I understand I think. What I'm actually trying to do is in part regaining lost emotions. So they are going to be intense naturally, I guess.
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But, how her method worked for me was going into the emotion no matter how scary it seemed. That's the floating. After a while, my brain would kind of go "oh, there's nothing here, just noise, we don't need to react to that" and over time I desensitized to it. It was very scary sitting with it. At the beginning, there were days I would lie on the floor for four hours and felt paralyzed and miserable just accepting the sensations that came and not fighting them. It sucked, but it did work for me. Just reading her explanations of things that are normal in the process, helped me get through it. But again, one size doesn't fit all, but maybe theres a bit in her book that can help you move in a good direction, esp. since you seem to already be doing something similar.
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Thanks a lot for these specifics, it totally helps knowing exactly just how hard this can be (initially), and how that can be normal....
Wow so 4 hours of lying on the floor, that does sound hard. Can I ask how you started out? Was it like you didn't have a problem going into it but then it was long hours of suffering like that while staying with the emotions? Or did you first have a problem going into it in the first place? How long did it take before you didn't need 4 hours anymore? Did you have strongly negative thoughts and beliefs coming up with the emotional sensations?
I was thinking more about this floating thing. I really cannot imagine myself floating about emotions, I think when I feel them I often am looking at them from the "outside", like they are in a container that I've put them into. Inside that container they can do whatever. That's where I am in control of my emotions.
With intense enough (not extremely intense though) emotions I can of course sometimes feel like I am living inside them and acting on them. I can enjoy that or I can just be too upset or something. But with extremely intense emotions is when I have a problem even just approaching them. Approaching and facing them even for just one second is hard. Let alone placing them in that neat container.
So that's why I'm asking if approaching them or facing and going into them was hard for you or just staying with them was hard. Weekes' book says if you just tense up trying to get away from the feelings within you that'll be the problem. For sure it makes me not able to approach the feelings.
Actually quoting from her book:
"First, look at yourself and notice how you are sitting in your chair. I have no doubt that you are tensely shrinking from the feelings within you and yet, at the same time, are ready to “listen in” in apprehension."
I didn't understand the listening in part. Do you know what is meant by that?
Thanks much if you can answer some of these questions.