I hear you there. I remember so little of my childhood. Ex T used to tell me that I probably blocked it all out, but who knows. Even with 'events' it's so easy to doubt yourself. To think, was it? Was it really that bad? The thing I have learnt is that your memories, however sketchy, and your feelings, are all you have to go on. There's no point trying to drag up memories that aren't there (though they may come one day) and there's no point questioning your experience of your childhood. Just roll with it, if you can.

On another note, my T mentioned dissociation to me today, apparently I do this. She explained what it was and why it happens. I said "how do we fix it then" - which I guess is the essence of trauma work - for me at least. To stop the brain from kicking in with the freeze response and, as she put it, flooding the person with fear and turning off the rational thinking mind. What she said didn't make for a happy me. She said that trauma work is about (my words as I can't remember hers!) exposing the brain to it, and letting it happen in small amounts, but also letting it come back and see that it's ok. It didn't need to initiate that response because actually the current environment is safe.

We have had an email discussion since because the idea of constantly triggering me into that state really doesn't sound like a great idea to me, and she tried to clarify, but I'm still not entirely sure I understand what she means. Anyway, seeing as you asked about trauma work, and she is a trained trauma T I thought I would let you know.

Good luck with the prompt for writing, maybe just put pen to paper and see what comes out. Oh, ps, have you seen 'A Monster Calls'? That's a good movie about being open to your own truth. Owning your own truth. Not sure if you'll find it as relevant as me, but you might. It's a kids film, BTW