It has been a long while. I have tried to survive this neverending wave of depression, helplessness, hopelessness. It hasn’t worked.

I am currently in my fourth admission to IP since July. And not one has helped. Just over two weeks ago I did something that landed me in the hospital. Something i have no memory of. And yet they all look to me to stop the behaviour, to start living again. How can i stop what i dont remember?

At some point this is all going to give. At some point no one will look to me for answers or opinions. They’ll just assume they know what’s best.

And at that point, I will know i’m well and truly done.