Dear reader. I’m kind of in balance now. It’s better, but not 100%. I went to the massage today and got me an Buddhist massage. That is my therapy, since no one else can or have time to talk with me. No shrink, no nurse. No one. It was a nice massage. Interesting choice of oil too. It just came to all of my pores and entire body just sucked it all up through the skin. I can still feel that energy even now at almost midnight - after so many hours.

Then I went home and went on a long, long walk. Probably over 7 (American) miles. I needed that. It was sunny, but the sun (luckily) was low and was about to thank itself for today. I am still in a mess, I am trying to get me sleep and stop thinking that things will not sort out. And stop worrying me every night. I wish that all of wars and conflicts just ended. Everything. But you know why it will never end? Because of greed and constant drift for power. Power over few, that leads power of many.

That is why I think we are an cursed species. Not only did we (and still do) exterminate other species because we have that right, perhaps from God. Who knows. And we exterminate other humans too, other races, other cultures. Everything that isn’t ours. So did the Spaniards with the conquistadors, so did the romans before them. In the name of one God or - in romans case - Mars. Heck, even swedes were an colonial superpower under the Gustavus Adolphus The Great. Even after the king’s death Sweden had a slice of Germany, entire Finland and Baltics along with chunks of Norway. St Petersburg under Sweden’’s command too. A force that any nation feared.

But Sweden is today satisfied with those borders they have. Sweden left their all imperialistic dreams the day they lost Finland to Russia in 1809. And the last war - against Norway - was 1814. Sweden never got Finland back from Russia, who 1917 declared itself as independent from Russian Empire.

If we will ever learn from our history and our broken past? So many lives we destroyed? So many people we oppressed? So many homes destroyed? So many mass graves? No, dear reader. We will not. Until we don’t have any of us left to witness anything anymore. Until there are warheads and madmen who even can destroy nuclear power plants - if they feel like. Who target hospitals with children and women. We don’t deserve this planet and their resources, which were supposed to be for everyone. And we never will.

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