I feel like I'm going mad.
Last May was when I had my last proper therapy session with T.
And November we officially 'ended' the work.

Thing is, it's beyond me how five years of deep relational therapy can be wrapped up and written off in one single session, and I know that I haven't had the closure here that I want.

I also know that I am confused as to what kind of 'relationship' me and my Ex T have now. We are loosely in touch. Basically, if I text or send a letter/card, she wil respond.

The hardest this is that I just cannot get her out of my head. I must think of her over 50 times a day on average. Maybe even more. She's right there with me all the time, and I can't deal with it. Not only is she in my waking thoughts, she is in my dreams sometimes too.

I'm trying to do everything right. I'm eating well; I'm excercising; I'm working hard on my business; I'm reaching out to friends; I'm doing nice things; I'm planning for th future; I'm really trying in therapy. But none of it is helping to get her out of my head.

Ok, random thought time. Maybe those aren't the right things in this instance?? But then what is? Get mad with her? I'm not sure that's the most helpful thing to do.

I wish I could just say "hey, K, please can we talk?" but I'm scared to, and even if I did, and even if she agreed, what the hell would I say. Voicing my thoughts and opinions has never been something I've found easy, but I'm this occasion I just wish I could meet her and talk to her face to face, adult to adult.

Would it help though? God I don't know. I'm so lost.