I really feel for you in this. I know how I'd feel if something similar happened with my T who I absolutely love and have a very close relationship with.

Only you can know what might be helpful in your situation, but I think if it were me I'd be tempted to put all this to my (ex)T and ask for a meet up to try and find some closure by talking. As you say, you're doing all the right things, but you can't find a way to move forward, so maybe actually seeing her would give you something that allows you to do that.

On the other hand, maybe the only answer is to give it more time AND perhaps stop contact. I say that very hesitantly because in all honestly I'm not sure I could do it if it were my T and she was responding to my messages. In fact I know I couldn't. But I might try and reduce contact down so that I don't get 'triggered' into missing her each time she sends something back. I might reach a point where I felt that was the only feasible option. But I've never been in your situation with the abrupt ending you had so I honestly don't know.

You ARE being really strong here. You're clearly doing everything you can to take care of yourself. Maybe there's no clear solution and the only option is to give it some more time.

I'm sorry you're going through this.