Another 'sleep' another 'dream'. I say 'sleep' and 'dream' be ause two hours of nightmare filled time is not sleep to me. It's f***ing horrible.

TRIGGRR WARNING
I was with a new T and it was going ok. Until she went to get a haircut. And then a wild storm raged and I had to drive around and I picked her up outside the hotel but then the car broke down. She was in the back seat and kept getting physically closer to me, not despite her knowing I had serious issue with it, but because she knew I had serious issues with it. She was doing it on purpose. Inching ever closer, her face coming nearer and nearer mine. I couldn't escape, just writhing in agony. Closer and closer. I couldn't breathe. I couldn't catch any air at all. I couldn't stand the physical pain I was in. Closer and closer. Until I broke and managed to scream and then gasp a breath. At which point she backed off.

And she just kept repeating it. Over and over and over and over and over again.

It sounds like exposure therapy. I can't imagine this is what you are meaning for us to do, but this is what it sounds like it will feel like and I think it's pretty obvious I am scared about that prospect on quite some level.

So I guess it's no wonder I am missing Ex T so incredibly dearly again this week. She was my safe person. The room was my safe place. And now it's gone and now I face the prospect of this? I'm not surprised I want to run a mile. But I'm exhausted. I need some decent rest. And I need to try and find some stability between us.