I know the feeling, a little bit at least. I have to quit seeing my T because I’ve been diagnosed with borderline and she’s not qualified to work with me. I know that I need more help than she can give me. But still, it hurts so much. I think about her constantly. I cried so much during our last session, two weeks ago. But I’m sort of lucky because we’re going to see eachother again in two weeks. It’s a follow-up session. Honestly I think she triggered my attachment wounds pretty bad. My new T is more experienced and structured in treatment. But still I miss my old T everyday. I start to write an email to her almost everyday. But I don’t send it. I know I have to learn to work with my new T and I can’t do that if I’m writing my old T. So I’ll stop myself.

My old T normally only sees clients for short therapy, like 10-15 sessions. But I’ve seen her a lot longer, 1,5 years, though not every week. My new T says that we have all the time in the world, that there’s no rush. And I have my session the same time every week. But I find it so hard to trust her.

I think that my old T got a bit… attached to me aswell. I don’t know If that’s the right word for it, but it was like she wanted to take care of me. And I just wanted her to do that aswell, it was what I’ve wanted my whole life, a mom-like figure to take care of me. Sometimes I got the impression that she really was holding herself back, but sometimes she would like give me a big hug or say that she would never forget me, that she had never met anyone like me, stuff like that. I asked her if she ever thinks about me when we’re apart and she said ”Of course I do, you’re in my heart, don’t you feel that?”

I don’t think I’ll ever meet someone like her again. And I’m really sad that she couldn’t help me anymore.