These last I don't know how many weeks or days it has been but I have been writing long posts and I do it on a couple of different place. I post different things on these places I try not to repeat that much it happens oh well. Well on two separate posts my buddy responded and basically was telling me how to grieve. Well I actually put hime in his place no name calling nothing like that. I don't want to repeat it here because it might be a trigger and I'm to lazy to write it lol. I will tell you I was polite but stern and I just told him how I was feeling I ended it with " We all grieve differently and no one has the right to tell anyone how to grieve." I also said I know I have said some stuff about god but that I am allowed to be mad at him because he knows what I am going to say before I was born. He actually apologized to me I was surprised.

For years all I posted was stupid memes and dumb stuff. Well like I said I have really started to write books. It really helps me for a little bit yes I do cry a lot of times writing but I also cry all day and I probably will for a long time. I have been venting so much and it really does help me. For like all my life I held in my feelings I just stuffed them away except my anger. This is the most I have ever said to anyone at all I mean my wife and I were very good at telling each other our feelings for like the last 10 years we were completely open and honest. I'm not making this up for like the last 5 or so years we had the perfect relationship it was very euphoric feeling. Yes we had some small arguments but they were over real quick but they were healthy arguments. We sometimes learned some stuff lol.
My mom told me after my. Wife passed that I was never allowed to have a girlfriend and if I did I was never to bring her over lol. My daughter told me that if I ever gor remarried she would never call her mom. I told her that was for little kids. I honestly don't even have the desire to look I don't ever know if I will meet someone it does not matter to me anyways if it is meant to be it will happen I just don't know if I will ever actively look for now no.

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