I woke up at 2:30. My cat wanted breakfast. I refused. I’m not going to reward her for waking us up in the middle of the damn night. I give them a little bit of food three times a day and no more. She’s super overweight and needs a stricter diet actually but I’m easing them into it.

It’s 3:19 now and I imagine I’m up for the day. It’s going to suck today, the weather is going to be awful so I can’t really go anywhere except to my son’s dentist appt at 9am. I really don’t want to take him because I missed my last two appointments and I know they’re going to hassle me. Not in a mean way, they’re very nice and understand my hatred of the dentist. But I’ve got major problems with my teeth (since I never go to the dentist lol). I need a bridge but that shot is $3000-$5000 so not happening any time soon.

We might go to Florida over spring break to visit my husband’s grandpa. I will be terrified on the plane (super claustrophobic) but I think only for a little while if I bring a book.

Ugh I’m seriously so frustrated though that I can’t stabilize. I feel like I should throw all my meds out and start from scratch. I’m worried I’m going to crash. I mean this is definitely into actually manic, not terribly so but definitely not just hypomanic. Maybe the vraylar wasn’t a good idea. I’m hoping when I start PHP that she will just give me more depakote if I’m still manic. My level is only 61 and minimum to be therapeutic is 50. Max is 125. So I’m on the low side. I’ve refused to do it before bc it higher doses make my hair thin and fall out, but not like chunks so maybe if I take like biotin or some **** it will counteract. I just hate being on so many meds after years of only being on 2.