I’m so sorry you went through this, from an outsider reading it I don’t know why she acted like she did but it sounds to me like she treated you poorly. Like Bill said, the accident, the loss of your dad, a real friend would’ve been there for you whatever uncomfortable emotions you were going through.

Idk Qwerty I may be wrong but I wonder if your self esteem issues are leading you to tolerate poor behaviour for crumbs of affection? You don’t sound like trash to me, you sound very caring and thoughtful, it would be a shame to my mind if you gave up on relationships at just 53 because of bad experience. But I do think working on your own anxieties and connections could be positive, and hope you’ll keep posting here too as there’s some good people who will support you. Take good care.