I'm so sorry you're dealing with this. With ex-MC, I tried to repair after the rupture. We sort of bumbled along for about 4 months after, but it never felt the same. The trust was gone. In the session where I said at the end we were terminating, I realized that when I looked in his eyes, I didn't feel anything anymore. When I used to feel caring (maybe love) and this sense of safety. But it was just...gone.

I agree with Lemon that you don't have to decide right now. Would she be open to your taking a break of a set amount of time, then potentially returning? (Or not returning, if you felt you were doing better.) With ex-T, there wasn't a rupture really, but I felt I needed a change. It was easier for me to say I was going to take a break and consult with someone else, then return (at least for a termination session). I never ended up returning, but having that plan made it easier. (Though with Dr. T, I *did* officially terminate a few years ago, then returned 2 weeks later.)

I wouldn't do any of this while EMDR T is away, of course. I think it would be worth trying some of what others suggested here. And see if that helps. If she's (and you're) willing to meet outside, whether on a walk or sitting at a bench or table, that could potentially be helpful. I've met with Dr. T at a table outside a few times--that was due to the pandemic, but the dynamic felt different, meeting there. He called it a "social session," and it did feel more like two friends meeting for coffee than a therapy session. We did discuss some regular therapy topics, but also more relaxed things, like the type of driver we each are, and he was disclosing a lot more. Plus there were some distractions in the environment (I would not recommend the cicadas we had one time though!)

We've also walked for part of a couple sessions with ex-MC (and once with ex-T), and that was helpful both due to being active and also not sitting directly across from them and staring at each other. I've never really done a game, though one time ex-MC, H, and I were tossing a ball back and forth to each other. But a game seems like it could be good. Maybe toss out those ideas to her and see what she'd be open to? If you can't check with her in advance, you could just bring along a couple small options with you, like a deck of cards or Uno or some other small game.

Oh, one last idea is to consider playing a song for her, whether something that sort of captures your feelings about her/the situation, one that you generally associate with her, or just one of your favorites. If it has lyrics, print those out. I did that with Dr. T once, and it ended up being a really meaningful session (even though he's not particularly into music). If she's into music, you could welcome her to share a song, too (whether in that session or a future one).

I hope something is able to make you feel safer and more connected to her.