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Originally Posted by ElectricManatee
Lately her office doesn't feel safe to me anymore. I'm anxious walking into every session and I'm starting to dread sitting there, which is not at all how I felt before. It used to be a safe haven. Everybody in my life is saying that I've probably hit the end of the road with this T, but I don't want to give up just yet. My EMDR therapist thinks we can work through it, although she sees that I'm running out of energy and patience. Lately I have done a lot of EMDR about therapy sessions with the other T and points when I reacted strongly to something (nothing unethical or wrong, I should add, just some misattunement and some difficulty around me asking for things, usually).
EMDR T is going to be out of the country for two weeks, and I don't want to dive into anything with the other T until she gets back. I was thinking maybe this is a good time to re-establish some feelings of safety and trust with my original T.
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Going by what I've seen before, I would say it sounds like a risky idea to go from there with trying to force yourself to seek feelings of safety and trust when your instincts are so totally sending you the completely opposite message.
What I'd do if I were you is analyse and get emotional insight on where your subconscious instincts are coming from about feeling like this, like even the office is no longer safe and makes you feel so anxious.
I mean, I wouldn't want to approach this as some opportunity to work on trauma based on a theoretical decision, I would instead want to fully listen to my instincts, subconscious and more conscious emotional reactions, all that. And take it all into account and try to see what's up.
Very importantly also, if I were you, I would do all that analysis in private, on my own, without really sharing with anyone else. I find that's the safest way to look at these things, just IME.
It may all take a long time to figure out, it can't be rushed.
If you tried to push yourself with ANY of it, IMO you risk getting so overwhelmed that you'd get into a worse state for a long time. In a rather unhelpful fashion. Just my take.
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Does anybody have suggestions about how to do that? I was thinking about suggesting going for a walk or doing a puzzle, although I don't know if she'll go for it. Sometimes we knit together. I'd like to keep the conversations somewhat light or at least not deep. Any thoughts about things I might not have considered to help untangle this situation? I really like and trust this T (when I'm not furious with her). I think she cares deeply about me (and says so), and I think she wants to help, but things have just been a mess.
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One last comment.... the conditional, "when not furious with her", you can try and examine the anger too in addition to all the above reactions, but again if I were you, I would be prepared for it taking very long. And I would again try and do it all alone. Therapy sometimes gets in the way of self-reflection.
Anyway all in all: My suggestion for these two weeks is just spend the therapy sessions in a light way, without trying to push anything about safety, trust, or even have that goal in mind at all. That's my overall thoughts.