I did something i'm uneasy with now. I applied for a free online therapy program my province is offering in CBT. Just doing the intake stirred me up. They'll probably say i am too sick for their program.

Well, it doesn't cost anything and i don't have to go anywhere or talk to anyone. It's a "therapist guided" program. If accepted, i will be assigned a therapist who will make a customized program for me of weekly reading and exercises and be available for online messaging. The program takes eight to ten weeks with the therapist available for twelve.

I just have very mixed feelings about trying something, because what if it fails like all the other therapeutic endeavors i've tried in the past?

I also feel uneasy with CBT which i have read about on my own as i think it's a human conceit to theorize we are thinking beings who feel, when really we are feeling beings who think. The 'feeling part' of our brain has been around much longer than the 'thinking part.'

But is that just a tidy way of dismissing CBT? It's supposed to be evidence-based, proven empirically over several decades. Anyways, it's free and i have nothing but time and i don't have to talk to anyone or go anywhere, so what does it matter?

Still, i feel anxiety.

Nice to see mental health being prioritized by our provincial government and backed by real dollars. Carl Sagan wrote in his Pulitzer Prize winning book of 1977, "The Dragons of Eden: Speculations on the Evolution of Human Intelligence," that he felt the future of the human race depended on greater co-operation of our left and right brains. And here we have the provincial government endeavoring to do that very thing. It's reason for optimism.

I will just have to tolerate the anxiety about taking the course to teach me how to tolerate anxiety!