I didn't see a word limit, and I feel I can only start this by being an open book. Apologies in advance.....This will be a read, so bare with me.

My wife and I have been married for 4 years, knowing each other for 5. We have the best little girl ever, she recently turned 2 and is such a blessing for us! So now what's going on between us... backstory first and then the issue.

Up to the point my wife got pregnant, our relationship was pretty great, never argued about things and just simply enjoyed each other's company. Then we got pregnant. Looking back, I could have done better as a husband. I missed 2-3 prenatal appointments due to work, and I ever so often left to get items she was craving. I certainly regret and learned from this experience. Right at the 6 month mark we had to move a few states away, I asked if she wanted to drive herself as I needed to pull the other vehicle, she agreed. I countered with myself going there, flying back and bringing her up and she assured me she could do the drive. Once the move was complete, and I moved the entire house by myself (minus her driving), the truth was revealed much later that this was a reason behind me being a bad husband during that time.

Birth of our baby happens, I get a month off of work and I had a slight phase where I did a lot of gaming while I was off during maternity leave, helped often with our daughter, often told "no" when trying to relieve her of mommy duties. Apparently the gaming was a little too much (looking back, it was), but I still feel as though I was much more involved than most of the fathers I knew, and heard of... I definitely feel that way as well. It just wasn't enough, and yet another lesson learned. (This dilemma was about 3-4 months).

My wife ends up diagnosed with post-partum depression, the meds sort of helped but the counseling wasn't the greatest as she likes to say. This was a very eye-opening experience for me, and an understanding of just how drastically hormones can change. With this knowledge I tried being there for her more than usual but it was never enough. Please note, most of this takes place during peak COVID, so staying inside does not help the fun couple who enjoyed the scenic outdoors most days.

During this 3 year stint, around the end of year 2, we had a huge argument about how shes discovered her new self, and she wasn't going to be walked on anymore by anyone (shes previously divorced). She shared with me that the beginning of our relationship, looking back, she felt that she just allowed me to do and say whatever and just "went with it" most of the time. That wasn't going to happen anymore. We got through this argument, but this "new version" of herself has been here ever since. That argument ended with her stating that for me(myself not her) to love properly it would have to be with someone else. My dumb self said "then I guess divorce is next." And we settled down for the night. 3 months after this argument and 2 weeks before our daughter turned 2 she came in after putting our daughter down and said "we need to talk about how we're going to do this" I said, what, and then she followed with "how we're going to handle everything in this divorce."

This was 3 months ago. Prior to her coming to me about the divorce, I had planned to turn our relationship around by supporting her more emotionally, being present and doing things like we used to, putting her first, but then when she approached me the way she did, I went dark. I told her that's not what I wanted but she had said she's made up her mind. I shared my intentions on our relationship, but it doesn't change how she feels. She claims that I don't even know her, I need to learn more about myself and why I am the way I am, and that I'll be okay after all of this and find someone who I really connect with.

After 3 days of sulking/feeling my emotions(something I never do), I scheduled a counseling session to talk about things (also something I never do) and discovered that recently I was putting my daughter as my priority, when in fact it should be my relationship as everything else will stem from that. If I put my wife first, we could blossom just like we did at the beginning, and I forgot that.

I've shared that with her, I've told her my intentions to be better two separate times since then. My actions last for a few days and then this wall hits me because she's not about it. Every day I'm trying to be that guy for her, myself, and my daughter, while still respecting her decision and its just so dang hard.

Looking back, I lacked interest in her and I recognized that prior to her coming to me about separation but also with that confrontation, the same goes for her. Her and I did drift apart but I know we can find that happy place again if she would just trust and try.

*This small bit is my brain 24/7*I'm trying... I'm being the best version of myself every single day around her, and shes not giving an inch and its so discouraging not only because shes treating me like a roomate but because soon enough she will take my daughter states away from here all because of this flip of a switch decision. Shes a stay at home mom, and children grow best with their mothers. I'm the working parent, so how does that work if I wanted to take her to court? Why would I do that to my daughter, I barely have the time... but I should because it is almost unfair as to what my wife is doing to me. We made a commitment, through thick and thin... we barely fought, why are you cutting the rope on the first big hill?

My counseling only helps so much, I'm trying my best, preparing for either outcome... I will never understand any of this if it leads to a separation. My poor baby girl, shes next on my mind when I think about the scenario and how this might come in the future. I don't know what the right or wrong thing to do is, except to be the best version of myself. But damn do. All i've tried to do is see it from her perspective, but nothing is lining up and my days are starting to feel number. (Not suicidal at all, but the time I have left with my 2 yr old (on an everyday basis)). I even brought up marriage counseling has her and I have talked about at our last fight, and she said only counseling that would help us co-parent (like, why is she so strong on this sepearation)

I know this is a freaking ton, but the only people I can talk to about this are the counselor, my best friend (wife, but clearly not the case), and my other best friend who just got into a great relationship that I'm not trying to mess with at the moment.

Any advice, or even just words of encouragement would be greatly appreciated. I haven't cried like this since my highschool heartbreak days, and my life is forever changed by this.