willow you are not a scumbag by any means. From what I've seen of you, you seem like a nice really caring person. Of course I might be wrong because this is just the internet afterall, but if what you wrote is the reason why you think you are a scum bag it's not a good one. I've had similar things happen to me and it's perfectly normal to feel that way, but that doesn't mean it's right. Feelings don't always reflect the facts.