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Originally Posted by Rive.
That says a lot right there. Others are a priority but his significant other, he can take for granted.
There could be many reasons as to the 'why'. I don't think the 'why' matters as much as his actions showing 'you don't matter as much to me'. Does it really matter why he does not give you what he gives to others? The fact is, he is *not* giving it to you.
How would it help you to know his 'why' (he might not even tell you or lie to you - so, how would you even get to the truth of his 'why')? Would you actions be any different if you were to know why?
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I think what I really need is to understand "what it all is about", link together all the events and have a coherent narrative of all of it for myself, rather than a "why" about what's in his head.
Like, I can see that all these actions of his show that he is unavailable emotionally to me in some way, but then there are all these inconsistencies I've had a problem reconciling for whatever reason. By inconsistencies I mean when he shows attitudes that seem like he's in love with me. This may be a silly thing to get hung up on but....That's just how it is for me. I'd like to be able to put together a narrative that's consistent enough for me, allowing me to act in ways that are helpful and benefit me.
So you asked why I care to understand more about what's going on: I think a really big motivator here is to see all this clearly so I would be able to recognise it right away if anyone is unavailable and doesn't pay real attention to me. I don't want to judge too fast if it's not actually the case with other people. The other big motivator is just to be prepared enough for couples counselling.
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Sometimes (often?) in life we just can't know the why of what is in other people's heads. Their actions are a good enough pointer to how they operate. This is reliable data i.e. their action vs. this unknowable 'why' in their heads.
Regardless of the 'whys', he is treating you poorly. Not feeling good in a relationship shows it is *not* a good relationship.
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I think the whole ignoring and ghosting thing is like it gives me no information about what's going on, and that's where it really has me stopped in my tracks like I don't even see this kind of - passive - action as a pointer to anything....if that makes sense. It's at least much harder to see anything about it than if it was some explicit action.
But I've decided that I'll treat this issue on a case by case basis purely based on pragmatic considerations specific to each situation, no matter who it is about - I will not allow myself to get emotionally involved with these situations. Everything you and others have said in this thread has helped with this, thanks to you all very much.