I'm trying to find meaning in life but it's difficult. I have everything I need but I need a break. Like when I bought my computer, I was all into adjusting settings, downloading apps - Then it faded. There's just so much stuff to do - And now the American empire crumbles to make way for China lol..

I just need to do something fun. I haven't done anything fun in a long time. I miss the friends that I had when I moved to this place. I blocked a friend because he kept asking for money and I regret that. He's a musician but I was really stressed out.

A mutual friend still stayed friends with both of us (The hippie dude). I thought, last night.. to add him back - And if he still doesn't want to, I'd have to accept that rejection.

I feel alone I guess. After the spiritual experience, I feel like I can actually live life like a normal person. I'm scared to step out of my comfort zone, etc.. I try not to think about the past but I feel like it defines me cuz no one has really dealt with that exact thing as far as I know.

I want to remember good things... Not the cringey thoughts that bother me all of the time - Regretting all of those memories. They repeat and it's all the same stuff.