Things are really not going well for me. And I feel really alone with it and just generally insignificant. I definitely feel like I need a higher level of care, but that's not doable. I am struggling so much and it feels like nothing is ever going to get better. I feel traumatized by experiencing such severe, unrelenting depression for so long. I realize that sounds really dramatic but it's the truth. It's like if I had been in excruciating pain for months and months, only the pain is emotional. I'm traumatized by not just the pain itself but the experience of being unable to lessen it let alone make it stop. I'm terrified because it seems this is just my life now and there's no escape.